If You Build It, They Will Cum: LA Sex Toy Co. Erects ‘World’s Largest Dildo’

dildo sculpture

In our modern times, it often just seems like everything has already been done. It’s rare to lay eyes on a true original. An exemplar of ingenuity. An everlasting testament to our species. Well, today is one of those days. Feast your hungry eyes on this 12-foot 4-inch-tall dong replica, touted by its creators as the largest dildo ever constructed.

The engineering marvel is the creation of Nick Orlandino, the Chairman and CEO of Pipedream Products, a sex products company based in the Chatsworth neighborhood of L.A.

Surprise. Surprise.

Orlandino remembers that glorious moment of enlightenment as if it were yesterday. He claims to have first dreamt up the idea earlier this summer when toying with ideas for the sex toy convention, Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo (ANME), held annually in Burbank, California.

”Two years ago, we made a wall of c***s featuring our product,” Orlandino told the Huffington Post. “It was the hit of the show, so I was trying to figure out how to outdo myself.”

Making the world's largest didlo

There’s only one really one obvious way to upstage a wall-o-cock and that’s a dick tall enough to hang a basketball net on.

However, this one-upmanship had us asking ourselves: Is this sustainable? What will he do next year? By the end of the decade, we will be satisfied with nothing less than a dick in low earth orbit. Alas.

The cornerstone of PipeDream Products line of toys is a dildo called the “King Cock.” A rather crude and overt play on — wait for it — King Kong. It was this model, Orlandino was steadfast in turning into a phallus of leviathan-like proportions.

Originally, Orlandino’s fellow colleagues didn’t believe the undertaking was possible.

“My employees looked at me like I was crazy,” he said. “But a few hours later, they came back and said, ‘We can do this.’”

A regular 21st century ‘Little Engine That Could.’ A true tale of triumph. Human ingenuity at work.

From design, molding, to the christening of the final product, the mammoth member took about three weeks to create. This isn’t just some polyurethane run-of-the-mill dildo. The interior is made out of aluminum air duct encased in rubber.

Orlandino reiterated that the dildo, like the full line of PipeDream Products, is made in America.

Orlandino has attempted to communicate with Guinness World Records to have them officially recognize his magnum opus as the pinnacle of penile simulacrum. So far the organization has not returned his phone calls.

Nonetheless, Orlandino’s ambitions have not been swayed by the apparent snub. A trailblazer is never satisfied and, thusly, Orlandino has his mind of the horizon. His thumb on the throbbing pulse of America’s heartbeat for his next undertaking.

“I think we might do the world’s largest vibrator or the world’s largest squirting dildo,” he proclaimed.

There’s still time for Orlandino and his team to dream bigger. Galactic. You heard it here first: “A dildo on the moon, by the end of this decade.”

…or bust.

Picthx Pipedream



Dallon Adams

Dallon Adams is a freelance writer based out of Louisville, KY. His other works include short fiction, prose, essays, daily news and lifestyle features.

  • The Angry Otaku

    Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
    There… happy now internet?