This Startup Will Dump Your Shitty GF/BF for $10

couple fights

‘Tis the season for cuffing. While many humans will be packing on the hibernation weight and attempting seasonally induced monogamy until something better shows up the following spring, many others will be aiming to drop the nagging deadweight that is their significant other to enjoy the wintery months in sweet, sweet solitude.

Thankfully, for the latter group, dumping a partner has never been less informal or more convenient. A new third party company will do the dirty work of calling it quits for one low price. When you could simply be onto the next one, 10 or 20 bucks beats having to wait around for the water works…

It’s easier than ever to meet a DTF stranger on various apps with a simple right swipe. Why shouldn’t it be just as easy to detach yourself from your former bae with the same fleeting impulsivity in which one nabs a box of Tic-Tacs during checkout?

“People are already paying services like Tinder to get them in a relationship, why not pay a service to get you out of one,” said Mackenzie, a Canadian who launched the business a few days ago with his brother Evan (the brothers asked for their last names to be omitted for anonymity).
The Breakup Shop, a new startup, will end a relationship for their customers in a number of methods for varying prices:

  • A breakup email for $10
  • A breakup text for $10
  • A standard breakup letter for $20
  • A custom breakup letter for $30
  • Or a breakup phone call starting $29*

*There’s even the option to “rush the order” for a small upcharge, to terminate that relationship that needed to end weeks ago.

The Breakup Shop understands that ending even a short term relationship with someone can be a traumatic experience, that’s why they offer an array of gifts as a sort of olive branch to mend the pain of separation. The Breakup Shop has a virtual gift shop where individuals can buy their latest ex a Netflix subscription or even the latest version of Call of Duty. Although still technically a dick-move, any appeasement makes it at least marginally less likely for an ex to put a brick through your window.

“The least you can do is break up with someone and give them that closure,” Evan told Vice.

That and/or a full month of ‘Metastasis’ livestreams to better illustrate what the last 3 months of dating them has felt like.



Dallon Adams

Dallon Adams is a freelance writer based out of Louisville, KY. His other works include short fiction, prose, essays, daily news and lifestyle features.