19 Men on ‘The Difference Between the Girl You Want to Hook Up With and the Girl You Want to Date’


The men of AskReddit answer the following question: What’s the difference between the girl you want to hook up with and the girl you want to date?


Difference: She’s Sane

Attractive and smart? Hook-up. Attractive, smart, and sane? Dating material.


Difference: She Gives You the Feels

Hook up – can’t wait to tell your friends you fucked her.

Date – can’t wait to tell your friends you met her.


Difference: She Reads Fantasty Novels

Her opinions on fantasy novels.


 Difference: She Has a Brain

The girl I want to date has a vagina and a brain, the girl I want to hook up with must only need the former.


Difference: I Feel Guilty Masturbating to Her

The first one I think about while masturbating. The second one I think about while masturbating, and then feel bad about it.


Difference: Nailed It

She doesn’t think Africa is a country.


Diffference: I Wouldn’t Brag to My Buddies

I would do terrible, degrading things in the bedroom to the girl I want to hook up with.

I would still do those to the girl I’d date, but I’d have the decency not to tell others about those shameful disgusting things.


Difference: I Listen to Her

Hookups I worry about whats going in her mouth and Dating i worry about whats coming out.


Difference: My Age

20 years.


Difference: Trust, Because I’ve Been Hurt Before

As someone who did the casual thing for about 9 and a half years before meeting and getting to know my current gf (also a redditor and probably reading this), I’ll try and give my take.

Hookups tend to be based on aesthetics and sexual chemistry alone. I had sex with a lot of women who were absolutely not my type (vastly different interests, beliefs, etc) and it was purely about the physical. If a girl took an emotional shine to me it was a turnoff. I was basically substituting self-worth for sex and it worked in the short-term. Every new attractive hookup was an affirmation of self, and my batting average was high. That’s not to say there weren’t girls who I had feelings for, but my trust issues meant that I stifled the feelings and kept them at arm’s length, or inexpertly blurted out how I felt while drunk and made a hash of it.

I really don’t wanna come off like a misogynist, but I respect a woman more if she doesn’t just put out straight away. It’s down to trust and I don’t think I could trust a girl who would just sleep with me the first time we meet to not do the same with others. Probably a self-esteem thing too. My head was a little fucked before, due to being screwed over and hurt in the past (if you didn’t already guess that when I said I’d been single by choice for nearly a decade).

Date material on the other hand, insofar as my subjective notion of it applies, is a girl who is creative, intelligent, fun, sweet, interesting, etc – all the things my girlfriend is. It’s early days really, but I love spending time with her, I consider myself lucky to know her, and I trust her. That’s the real difference, I guess. The fact that she’s gorgeous on the outside too is just a bonus – I can’t help but feel a little smug.

I’m not just saying this for your benefit, m’dear 😉

TL;DR: Hookups come and go with nary a tear shed, but potential partners stir a little more in you than just your loins.


Difference: A Nice Face

I vaguely remember some study basically saying that guys will hook up with a hot body and okay face, but they’d rather date a girl with a nice face and okay body.


Difference: She Makes Me Want to Be a Better Person

The girl I want to hook up with has no respect for herself and neither do I. The girl I want to date makes me a better person.


Difference: Morning Sex

You want to sleep with both. You only want to wake up next to one.


Difference: Math

Given the following factors:

  • X = base attractiveness (typical ten-point scale, why not)
  • N = months without, general desperateness
  • B = intoxication level (0 to 10, 10 being loss of consciousness)
  • C = expected commitment or social complications (negative = high chance of ongoing interest, friend’s ex, etc. vs. positive = fallout unlikely to “ships in the night”)
  • t = interest threshold
  • p = scalar adjustment factor for personal levels (degree of discrimination, time before desperate, etc.)

Attempt to hit it where XNBp+C > t.

  • X is a nonlinear function of x, with X=1 at the mean level of previous encounters (i.e. mean level of previous partners weighted by frequency). For example, it could be that X = 0.0001*x4.5 .

  • N = log(n+1), i.e. you get about a 2x multiplier after about 6 months and a 3x multiplier after about 24 months, but 25 months and 24 months are at similar levels. Adjust as necessary or roll into p.

  • B = 3*exp(-((b-4) 2)/5), again, adjust as necessary. Note that this goes as intoxication level, not number of drinks. If you want it in number of drinks, run several experiments to calibrate.


Difference: Compatibility

Hook up: Attractive and easy Date: Compatible, hopefully attractive and easy


Difference: What My Mom Would Think of Her

I want to date the girl my mom would be proud of. I want to fuck the girl my mom would be appalled at.


Difference: Whether She’s Hot or Beautiful

I classify attractiveness into two categories: beautiful and hot. If a girl is hot (which is determined by the body below the neck, if y’know what I’m sayin’), then I would hook up with them. If a girl is beautiful (determined by shape of the body, face, etc.) and not completely crazy or stupid, then I would date them.


Difference: Cuddles

The girl I hook up with would preferably have as little emotional investment as possible to me as I would to her. Not that I’m trying to hook up, but if the situation comes across me, this is how I would want it to make it easy on everyone.

The girl I want to date is someone that I can call up at almost anytime and say “Hey, wanna do this and this?” and she says yes and we just have a grand old time. Plus cuddles, cuddles and movies.


Difference: There is No Difference

The girls I want to hook with are the girls I want to date.

I welcome sex early and often… And any girl I am with should at least have the potential to be a romantic partner.

Why? Hooking up with a girl I wouldn’t want to date is also known as “sticking dick in crazy”. At least in my experience, it doesn’t end well.


Picthx 4ever


~ 19 Men – The Difference Between Hook Up and Date Girl ~