Food is personal.
When I share a meal with someone, I want to hear about their day, what’s going on in their life and if they like the food or not. It’s a commitment of time and money, but worth the investment because I care about our relationship. Normally, I only reserve these moments for friends, family and acquaintances I want to get closer with. Almost never do I go on dinner first dates, because who wants to invest too much in someone from Tinder?
Which brings me to my current situation.
I’ve been seeing this guy casually for about seven months. We met on a dating app (surprisingly, not Tinder). It’s not really going anywhere, but we’ve at least established what we are — fuck buddies. However, in the beginning, it wasn’t always so clear. I cared about him at first, and wanted to see if we could be more than a hookup. He didn’t feel the same.
During this period, I began to notice how my eating habits would revolve around the state of our relationship. Here’s what causal dating looks like through meals.
It’s probably safe to say that about 78% of online dating starts off with drinks nowadays. This is how me and my hookup buddy met. Drinks are a great first date if you don’t want to invest too much time or money in someone. It allows you to cover all your bases: where you’re from, what you do, what music you like and how often you do this.
By the time you’re done with your last drink, you’ve already decided if you want to see this person again a drink and a half ago. When I was done with my Red Bull, because I don’t drink and am a super cheap date, I knew I wanted to see him again. By the end of night, I couldn’t wait until we saw each other next.
“Hey, what are you up to later?”
“Not sure yet, but I’ll you know soon.”
That’s the last text I’d get from him for hours. I didn’t want to commit to eating something too big on the off chance we’d meet up for dinner so I’d microwave some pizza rolls or eat some cereal. It’s not a brag-worthy meal, but it got me through to just realize he wasn’t going to text me back. Oh well, as I dug into my soggy bowl.
Out of seven months of fucking each other, we got dinner once, and I paid. I can’t even remember what we really ate because it wasn’t a memorable moment. I tried to get to know him more, but nothing he said was of substance. Our dinner conversation was as impressionable as your Monday morning elevator chat with a coworker whose name you don’t know. But what I do remember is we went back to my place after. That was something that was almost always guaranteed.
Alright, so he slept over. YES! Finally a moment that goes a little beyond just the physical aspect. Yeah, he might have been drunk when he stumbled into my studio at 2 a.m., but he could have left after we had sex. So, him staying means he must care a little, right?
I was getting ready for the day and put on a semi-cute outfit. I walked out of the bathroom to see him already dressed.
“Want to get breakfast?” I asked hopefully.
“Oh, sorry. My Uber is going to be here in two minutes.”
I ended up eating $8 toast by myself.
Casual dating can really suck when I’m not prepared for what it means. When I’ve wanted something more with someone who doesn’t, it does hurt. But at the same time, it can also be really freeing and rewarding. It’s all about boundaries and putting myself first.
One day though, I hope to find a guy that will want to get breakfast with me. Bonus points if he already had a place in mind.