Steve from Blue’s Clues Crashes Birthday Party During a Date with a Playboy Model

Maiiiiil tiiiiimeee: Former “Blue’s Clues” star and striped polo expert Steve Burns resurfaced in an indulgently reflective podcast with The Moth, quashing rumors that he had died from a drug overdose or in a car accident. Nope, Burns had just lost all of his Lego helmet hair and faded into obscurity.

In the podcast  — unrehearsed and originally taped in front of a live, standing-room-only crowd — Burns details how he was considering departing “Blue’s Clues” in the midst of an identity crisis when he was dubbed one of People Magazine’s “Most Eligible Bachelors.”

“I took the magazine to bars with me. I wanted to make t-shirts,” Burns says.

After gracing the pages of People, Burns received a photograph in the mail (it made him want to wail) from a Playboy model with a request to call her. He contacted the model at the behest of his animation team.

The unnamed model asked Burns to send a limo for a date, but he instead opted to pick her up in his Volkswagen Beatle.

On the date with the model with “clearly fake, giant boobs,” Burns comes across a “Blue’s Clues” themed birthday party. In an attempt to gain brownie points, Burns pauses the date, dons his “Blue’s Clues” garb and crashes the birthday party, claiming it was “the only game [he] had.”

After the birthday party, Burns and the model proceeded to a fancy restaurant. Upon sitting down, a patron remarked: “That’s Steve from ‘Blue’s Clues,’ and he’s with an escort”.

After a terrible, alcohol-fueled dinner, Burns and the model go to his apartment. Burns received a striptease from the model while sitting in his famous red chair, but had to draw the line when she started urging him to “sing that song about the mail.”

When driving the model home the next day, Burns agrees to meet her mother. The date, it turns out, was an elaborate rouse to pitch a children’s show about giant inflatable balloon animals titled “The Balloonies.”

Burns ends his tale describing his visit to a terminally ill child as part of the “Make a Wish Foundation.”

With abundant new-age wisdom, Burns remarks: “I am aware that this child chose me … That’s what they want, and I’m not sure what me is me. Am I Steve Burns? Am I Steve with the shirt? Who is me? … It’s really complicated. That helped me to realize, whether I wanted it to be true or not, whether I expected it to be true or not, the answer was both. And that was plenty cool enough for me.”



Courtney Hamilton

An avid writer, reader, feminist and french fry fanatic.