27 People – Quirky Sexual Things They Do with Their Partners

Every couple has their own idiosyncrasies in bed — the sort that you’re sure if anyone else saw or heard you, they’d think you were both crazy. Here, the AskReddit community answers: What sexual thing you and your S.O. do (together), that you are fairly sure no one else does?

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Magically Delicious

She tries to use precisely aims my erect penis to catapult lucky charms into my mouth

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60 percent of the time, it works every time.

When I do something stupid that hurts my wife’s feelings, my best solution is always to make her laugh. Then tell her I’m sorry. Works 100% of the time, usually.

Anyway, when I fuck up particularly bad and after she’s cooled off a bit, I go over to the refrigerator and grab a couple of limes/lemons. I then walk over and hand them to her. Instantly she cracks a smile.

I will then go and stand at one end of the hallway, and she will stand at the other end, she’ll throw the lemon/lime and try to hit me in the balls. I give her a number of tries based on how much I fucked up. She always ends up laughing. She usually misses. But it always makes her feel better.

We call it the Citrus Game.

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Also works with Minute Rice

My ex and I created a game called “Nake & Bake”. You make Shake & Bake in the kitchen naked and then put it in the oven for 45 minutes to cook. You go have sex until the timer goes off then go eat.

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Dirty Talk 101

One time, my girlfriend and I were in the middle of some foreplay and she started talking dirty to me. I am HORRIBLE at dirty talk, but I tried.

At one point, she said, ‘and then what are you going to do to me?’ I, for some bizarre reason, responded, ‘I’m gonna slip ya the ol’ stink-weasel.’

I am not one of those guys that names his penis, but that one stuck. Two years later and she still says things like, ‘Does the stink-weasel want to come out and play?’

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Luckiest Man Alive

My wife likes me to get glazed doughnuts and watch me eat some of them while sucking my dick. We have also played ring toss with them, which started as a joke but then she discovered that an icing flavored dick was pretty amazing and it just turned her on even more. So she would rub it on my dick or take a bite of the doughnut and then continue the bj. It was awkward at first but I have to admit it probably the best bj I’ve ever had. Dunno why it turns her on so much but doughnuts and an amazing bj at the same time is pretty much a win win for me.

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How Paleontologists Get Down

We pretend to be dinosaurs. And not just any dinosaurs, we have specific species and personalities. It’s not during sex, but before foreplay we start kissing and all a sudden he’s making screeching noises and I’m pretending my arms can’t reach his face and we are fighting to the death.

It’s funny and we just giggle and laugh and wrestle naked until we both get very turned on.

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The Intentional Queef

I think queefs are hilarious, so sometimes when my girlfriend and I have sex I put her in a position that I know will make her queef. It usually is a sound that would put a world champion farter to shame. Then we both die laughing

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Strangely Satisfying

I like to wrap her in bubble wrap, and then strike down with my penis with enough force to pop the bubbles. Really turns us both on.

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American Pie

Get into food fights and fuck on the table.

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Patrick Bateman’d

One time an ex and I were filming ourselves while having sex, and half way through I totally “Patrick Bateman’d” that shit and looked directly at the camera and started flexing, looking badass, “yeah you like that” “yeah you fucking stud” “oh fuck yeah”pointing at the camera, flexing more, for like 5-10 min. We were doggy style so she had no fucking clue. Afterwards we re watched it and when it happened we both just lost it.

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‘Streuselkuchen’ is the New ‘Bae’

Call her dessert names in public. But not honey bun or sweetie pie. As unendearing as possible. Eg, bundt cake, streuselkuchen, upside down cake, shoo fly pie. Endlessly amusing.

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Confused Boners

Confused boners, I give him a handy while talking dirty about random non-sexy subjects, like fish aquariums and such. Not enough to get him off, just enough to keep him hard and conflicted about being aroused.

Then I usually blow him. It’s fun.

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A Spine-Tingler

An ex of mine broke her spine when she was a teenager. Luckily she had full movement but had a side effect. On her lower back right where back dimples go above her butt was really sensitive and would tingle a lot. If you rubbed that spot she would go insane. Get wet, moan, the works. She said after the back break it formed a line from that spot on her back to her clit and would tingle like mad. She said when she was younger she would masturbate rubbing that spot.

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Jury of Felines

When we finish we look at our cats sitting on the end of the bed and ask for a score.

Bastards never give us more than a 7.5.

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The Joystick

When he’s hard, I grab his dick and pretend it’s the joystick to an old video game. I press my thumb on the tip and go “Pew! Pew!” I enjoy this so.

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I was a little bummed

One time I fell asleep before my boyfriend got home. I was sleeping face down, so he basically used my exposed butt as a masturbation tool (kind of like tit fucking but with my butt cheeks). I was a little bummed he didn’t wake me up for sex, but on the other hand, I thought it was really hot.

Also, I’ve made it clear to him that he’s welcome to perform sex acts on me in my sleep (I like sleepy/just waking up/being woken up by sex). Just noting.

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The Credit Card

We “zoop” one another. Meaning we quickly slide a finger up or down the ass crack. Doesn’t count unless you say zoop.

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The Gavel

Few years back, I would slap my dick against the ex’s face/forehead area. She would say “I object, I object”, and I would yell as loudly as possible “Overruled”! This became a ongoing thing. The roommates at the time would be like, WTF are you guys doing in there?? We called it The Gavel.

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Besties

After I’m done giving him a blow job, I lay my head on his thigh and ask his dick questions. He answers one flex for yes and two flexes for no. His dick and I are besties.

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How to Tell Things Are Getting Serious

Sometimes, if there’s a marker lying around ill put two dots on the head of my dick and use the opening as a mouth and start talking to my dick. My current gf is the only one who’s ever responded to him. When she did that I knew it was serious.

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The ‘Good Egg’

Not my wife but I used to have a girlfriend that had an odd habit that I enjoyed. When wed watch a movie in my apartment she liked to lay her head in my lap and keep my dick in her mouth. Even if we just had sex. She wouldnt actively blow me, just keep it in there soft and roll it around like a jawbreaker. Dont get me wrong, eventually id get hard and shed blow til i came, the. Shed go right back to watching the movie with it in her mouth. She was really a good egg.

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Your Oedipus is Showing

After sex, my boyfriend sucks my boobs until he falls asleep.

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Well, That Escalated Quickly

It started the morning after the first time we had sex. He said “I hope you didn’t have any plans today because I’m not letting you leave.” I asked “are you going to kill me?” He said “yes” and we laughed. Then he told me how he’d kill me, and I said “sounds great but I’m going to kill you first.” Then we wrestled which turned into fucking. Now we get turned on when we threaten each other’s lives.

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EVERY House

I am a carpenter. We do it in every room of every house I build.

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The Mating Call

The Penguin! Me and my ex went to an aquarium and saw the penguin exhibit. Well, that day the penguins were just fucking away and we saw that they initiated it by the male walking up behind the female and hitting her with his flippers until she laid down. It was hilarious. After that I would occasionally walk up behind my ex and pretend I was hitting her with flippers as a joking sign I wanted sexy times

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You’re Doing It Wrong

My ex use to pump his arms while in doggie style position. I looked back once as he was doing this and absolutely lost myself in laughter. He said he did it to make himself go faster……

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The Win-Win

My old SO and I would get dinner, some sort of alcohol (preferably a few bottles of shitty champagne or tequila), smoke copious amounts of weed, then head to bed.

Once we were in bed she’d have me lay on my back, hands folded up behind my head, real relaxed and naked like. Then shed take my watch off and put the oversized watch on her wrist, and set the timer. Depending on how bad I had bugged her, the time would range from 10-20 minutes. During that time, I was not allowed to move or touch her back, she could do whatever she wanted. It was the sexiest torture imaginable. If I caved, she’d set the clock over. If I made it the full time, first try, she’d let me have whatever I wanted.

So fucking awesome.

9.5/10 Definitely recommend trying.

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Picthx weheartit.com

 

 

 

~ 27 People – Quirky Sexual Things They Do with Their Partners ~