Men of Tinder: No, You Cannot Cum on My Face

“Hey cutie, can I cum on your face?”

Oh, first impressions.

Many of the guys who message me on Tinder start off with something like this. If you think this is an acceptable way to begin a conversation, I have one question for you: would you introduce yourself to someone at a bar and blurt out, “Can I cum on your face?”

I hope not, since you would only succeed in getting my drink splashed all over your face.

Many people use Tinder for casual sex, in the way you might look for a stranger to pick up at a bar. I myself have casually slept with people I met online. Yet the fact that I’m on the other end of a screen doesn’t mean you have free reign to begin our interactions with blunt sexual propositions. Demonstrating that you aren’t willing to respect boundaries is sure as hell not going to get you within squirting distance of any part of me.

Perhaps the screen separating us gives you the idea that there isn’t anyone there to moderate your behavior. There isn’t anyone standing around the bar to overhear you or a bouncer to kick you out. So you think, “Hey, why don’t I just start off talking about what I want to do with my penis? That’s something that she’ll clearly be into”. So you go ahead and shoot me one of these:

can I

cum on face




cock in mouth


give head


what are you wearing

The fact that I have a Tinder account is not a welcome invitation to replace “Hello” with a dick pic. All my right swipe indicates is that I am open to a conversation. It’s presumptuous to assume everyone on Tinder is looking for a hookup. Many users put loud, all-CAPS requests that they are NOT LOOKING FOR CASUAL SEX. Some just want to talk or meet new people while they’re in a foreign city. It’s a useful social networking app, not a free pass to ask if you can jizz on my face. I mean really, there wasn’t even a please. Mama should have taught you better.

 Written by Anonymous


~ Men of Tinder: No, You Cannot Cum on My Face ~