I Went to a Class on How to Give the Best Blowjob Ever, This is What I Learned

photo of two bananas against pink background

Nestled in an airport-adjacent industrial park filled with printing houses, Pink Kitty sticks out with its pink logo and lingerie-heavy window display. It is, after all, the only sex shop in the sterile business mecca that is Irvine, Calif., grandfathered into existence because it preceded zoning laws that keep all other shops of its ilk well out of the city.

On this rainy night, the woman-centric and LGBT-friendly shop is closed to the public, as one unlucky Abercrombie-clad man is told when he wanders in. Tonight, the shop is reserved for a group of 10 workshop attendees ready to learn the ins and outs (and twists and turns) of epic blowjobs.

Read: Erotic Masseuse On Everything You’ve Wanted To Know About ‘Massage Parlors’ 

In tonight’s workshop (which consistently oversells, leading to multiple workshops a week), “How to Give a World Class Blowjob,” shop owner and human sexuality educator (degrees and all) Alysia Batchelder is armed with an anatomically correct, flesh-colored dildo to teach 10 ladies, myself included, expert oral sex techniques. With short stature, brown-black hair and an intensely ironic sense of humor, Batchelder comes off like a non-asexual Janeane Garofalo. Her fellow shop clerks stand by, one of them a registered nurse, to observe the class.

How to give a blowjob class

The ad for how to give a “world class blowjob.”

For posterity’s sake, Batchelder provides each of us our own, less anatomical, pink and purple dildos to practice on. With suctioned bottoms, they sit on the table directly in front of us, wobbling a bit in the fluorescent lighting.

While we here at 7 can’t substitute the actual hands-on experience offered at a Pink Kitty workshop—and really, you can only learn by doing—we’ve compiled a few key tips gleaned from Batchelder’s expert teaching. Really, the lady knows what she’s doing. Below, we’ve listed some blowjob essentials for you to try at home.

It’s all in the hands

Personally, my biggest gripe with blowjobs is that they always take way too damn long, leading to jaw soreness and locking in extreme cases. This is why it’s important to remember that your hands are key. Used either before the blowjob, in conjunction with it or at the end, when your partner is seconds from orgasm, your hands provide a variety of stimulation and some relief for your mouth.

Batchelder recommends warming up to your blowjob with a handjob. First, get a firm grip: If you’ve ever watched your partner masturbate, you’ll realize that in most cases, there’s no reason to be delicate. You’re not going to break it. This, of course, is all based on personal preference, so be sure to ask your partner what they like.

She gracefully demonstrates a couple techniques on her facsimile phallus: Try running your hand from the tip to the balls (if your partner is into that) in a bit of a twisting motion, loosening your grip to lightly fondle the balls and tightening it as you make your way to the tip. With practice, the motion should become seamless and feel really really good to your partner. Do this for as long as you both wish, either till you’re up for moving into a blowjob or to completion.

Another, more intensive hand technique requires both hands and some elbow grease. Place both hands in a grip around the shaft, one on top of the other. Twist in opposite directions, moving your elbows in and out with the motion.

A quick tip: blowjobs tend to be easier if your head is upright, so that you’re not closing off your throat and therefore more inclined to gag.

If you’d like to incorporate a blowjob into the mix, try the first handjob technique, but instead of bringing your hand to the tip, use your mouth to play with it. This is great if you find it uncomfortable fitting your partner entirely inside your mouth—they still get full coverage and you don’t gag. A win-win situation.

A quick tip: blowjobs tend to be easier if your head is upright (i.e., your neck is not bent), so that you’re not closing off your throat and therefore more inclined to gag. Batchelder also recommends simple “stroker” sleeves—they’re stretchy and fit snug around a portion of the penis. Simply slide them up and down with your hand in conjunction with the blowjob.

Pleasure Pointers

Nerves are concentrated in a few key points on the penis. For mind-blowing orgasms, pay them some attention, but be careful not to overstimulate or cause discomfort.

The underside of the penis is riddled with pleasure-causing points and is meant to be gripped firmly. The head, as you might know, is the most erogenous zone of the penis, rife with sensitive nerve endings. It responds well to licking and swirling of the tongue. For the more adventurous, some men enjoy having their perineum (or taint, whatever you want to call it) stimulated. This is a soft patch of skin between the anus and penis.

Swallow, Spit, or Swerve

Blowjob-givers of the world, it’s totally cool if you hate swallowing. It’s a personal choice. Your only obligation is to discuss with your partner your preference prior to beginning, so that they’re on board and there’s no confusion when they’re really ready to go. Blue balls can be a bit of a mood killer.

You’ve got about three options when it comes to how you want to handle male ejaculation—Batchelder jokes that it’s called the “swallow, spit or swerve” decision. If that’s not obvious, here’s the breakdown:

1. Swallow 

You can choose to swallow the ejaculate if you wish (and there really are things your partner can do to make it more palatable).

2. Spit

Allow them to cum in your mouth then spit it out into a nearby receptacle.

3. Swerve

You can get your mouth out of the way and finish with your hands. You can use paper towels or a towel to contain the ejaculate, or just deal with the mess afterward if you’re not too put off by it.

There is always the possibility that the blowjob is just foreplay before actual intercourse, too, and thus you might not have to worry about the three S’s.

Lube? Yes, definitely

Throughout all of this, you should be using personal lubricant. Seriously. Don’t be embarrassed or think lubricant somehow makes you less of a natural woman or man or whatever. Lubricant makes everything glide smoothly and makes you in turn a sex god/goddess. Just use it, especially for handjobs and blowjobs.

Which kind of lubricant should you use? Whatever you prefer—you’ve literally got thousands of options. Some may enjoy a flavored lubricant—higher-end brands tend to actually taste like the flavor they purport to be. If you’re put off by residue or bizarre ingredients found in the drug store lubricants—think KY, or Astroglide—try one of the natural lubes listed here. Batchelder personally recommends the System Jo brand of lubricants, like this one. Visit your local sex shop or shop online—many places sell lubes in sample sizes for trial.

One word of caution: Batchelder does not recommend using any oil-based lubricants, ever, because she finds they’re too difficult to fully cleanse your sensitive bits of them. While you shouldn’t use oil-based lubricants with latex condoms, as they decrease their effectiveness, there are many people who actually recommend things like coconut oil as personal lubricant, especially in holistic/clean living crowds. You make the decision you’re most comfortable with, and, my dears, that goes for everything when it comes to blowjobs.

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Courtney Hamilton

An avid writer, reader, feminist and french fry fanatic.

  • Alayna

    Love it! Since you mentioned Astroglide I thought I’d share — anyone can get a free sample of Astroglide at astroglide.com/sample

  • Diaz

    So what are the things partners can do to make swallowing more pleasurable?