I hooked up with my first girl in January.
It was everything I expected it to be: awkward, exciting, fun. It was a one-time thing, because, to put it simply, she was too clingy, bro.
I’ve had my share of FWB relationships, so I walked into this experience with a certain mentality. Even with the clearest of minds, there are still shitty things I’ve dealt with from FWB situations. He doesn’t call the next day. He doesn’t text you back. He doesn’t seem to care.
I’ve always been “the girl” in these kinds of relationships, but with this chick, it was the first time I had ever felt like “the guy” because I had all the power. It was an eye-opener. It made me realize all the things I, and many of my friends that are girls, had done wrong with guys in the past.
Oh, and just a note: while I’m speaking from a woman’s perspective, all of these things are applicable for men, too.
Here’s what I learned:
5. Don’t take not cuddling personal.
If I like like you, I want to cuddle. If we’re just hooking up, I don’t want to cuddle. Period.
As soon as the girl and I were finished, I laid there with her for a little having the normal pillow talk, but I didn’t want to hold her at all. It felt too emotional to do that.
I used to feel hurt when a guy wasn’t all touchy feel-y after sex. What I didn’t realize at the time was sometimes sex is just sex. It doesn’t mean they don’t respect you; it just means there’s no emotional aspect beyond the physical attention.
4. Sometimes, you can come off as pushy af.
I had to leave right after we were done because it was a weeknight. Nothing personal to her, but I had work in the morning. Not even 15 minutes after I left her place, she texted me. “I had a lot of fun tonight. When can we get together again?” First mistake.
Girl, I just saw you. I need time to process everything. You asking me when we’re hanging out makes me feel pressured. It also makes you seem a little desperate. No one likes anyone who is too available.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this exact thing to a guy. It always is a dumb decision.
Waiting to text a guy after you’ve hooked up is the hardest thing to do. But trust me, it’s worth the wait.
3. Guys don’t care about your life, but they do care about you.
One thing I noticed about this girl is that she actually liked to have a conversation. Fwb guys come over, get to business and leave. It was a nice change to actually get to know someone more with this girl, but please don’t tell me about your day in detail. I respect you as a human being, but I just don’t care about your day-to-day life.
As a hook-up buddy, there are certain boundaries you need to have to keep things from getting too personal. If I know the first names of all the people in your life, it’s getting a little too close for comfort.
It’s possible for a guy not to be too close but still care about and respect you as an equal. Distance is a safety precaution.
2. Sometimes, the honest answer really is “I don’t know.”
The girl kept pressuring me a few weeks after about when we were going to hang out again. She kept wanting to know why I was being hesitate and whether or not I wanted to see her again.
I wasn’t sure how I felt, so I told her exactly how it was — I don’t know.
It’s always been hard for me to accept an, “I don’t know,” from a guy because I feel like it normally leans toward a yes or no. Reality is that, “I don’t know,” is a real place to be. Accept it as a thing because it is, ladies (and gentlemen).
1. No one wants to be the bad guy.
No one wants to be remembered as the asshole. No matter how uncomfortable things eventually got between the girl and I, I wanted to make sure I was being honest with her.
There was a few times she texted me that I didn’t text back. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I just didn’t know what to say.
A month or two later, she reached out to me again. She started the conversation normally and then got to the point, “Why didn’t we hang out again?” I was upfront with her and told her pressuring me to give her an answer pushed me away completely.
If you’re having a hard time talking to a guy, don’t keep pestering him with texts, calls, Instagram likes, whatever. He remembers you exist and doesn’t need the constant reminder. The more you push to contact him, the further you’re getting from him. Sometimes when a guy doesn’t talk to you anymore, it’s not because he’s intentionally trying to be a jerk, it’s because you’ve made him feel too uncomfortable.
If and when he’s ready to talk to you, he will. If he doesn’t, give it some time and then reach out again normally. Just be prepared that you may not get your ideal response from him.
~ 5 Things About Guys from Hooking Up with My First Girl ~