Lions, Tigers, Bears, Oh My: The World of Life-Like Animal Dildos [NSFW]

Cencored Animal Dildos

You know we’re a sex-positive bunch over here at 7, but sometimes, we stumble across things that make us say, “That’s enough internet for today.” Case in point: anatomically correct, artistically embellished animal dildos. As in, dildos that accurately simulate the length and, er, contours of dog, horse and even crocodile penises.

These beasts (pun intended) are sold by a variety of online vendors, including Amazon, and aren’t for the faint of heart. With a sizable collection that includes orca and werewolf (?) penises, (link NSFW) carries what might be the Noah’s Ark of synthetic animal dongs. Each toy comes with the customizable option of three different firmness levels: soft, medium and hard. Because some people like simulating flaccid orca dick. Below are some of the more unusual offerings.


Dragon Dildo


Not quite a dildo, this dragon sheath is meant to be worn over the penis and is apparently version 2.0, with improvements to the “cum hole.” What I’m most interested in is the R&D behind determining dragon penis length, which, according to the toy, is about 9.8 inches.

Length: 9.8 inches



Horse Dildo


The above piece of equipment starts at $225, and well, there isn’t much I can say that the copy doesn’t already: “The Squirting-Inflatable Equinox features an inflatable lower section from the base testicles to about 1/2 way up the shaft that creates a gradual and gentle ‘tying’ effect. This long lobe naturally and gently ‘pulls’ in the last few inches of the Equinox and ensures maximum penetration against the large testicles. You control the lobe size from 1 to 10 pumps for a very gentle stretching and tying effect, to a more secure tie that pulls you firmly against the testicle base.”

Length: 12.5 inches 



Gryphon Dildo

fantasy sex toy

 Length: 10.75 Inches



Kangaroo Dildo


“Now here’s a fellow that’ll definitely put a little ‘bounce’ in your step! He’s straight from the plains of Australia and he’s assured to show you a ‘gooday’.” Perfect.

Length: 10 inches 



Werewolf Dildo


For the Team Jacob fan.

Length: 10 inches



Dog Dildo


Elypse Art, responsible also for the Equinox Equine Dildo, offers a number of these uniquely colored canine phalluses, which somewhat resemble glass pipes from your local head shop. The “Neo” models a small Boxer and is designed to mimic the actual process of dog sex. The best feature? “Stay put, soft, sensual and comfortable design for extended or under-garment wear.” Sorry, Fido.

Length:  6.25 inches



Crocodile Dildo

croclarge This behemoth is not even the largest of four available sizes, with an extra-large size the next step up. The copy for the toy features a colorful tale about dangerous crocodiles in Australia and culminates in what I’m pretty sure constitutes rape by alligator. It ends: “This Croc is definitely hungry, but it’s a hunger that will only be satisfied once your pants are off. You’ll be in for a wild ride as the Croc takes you roughly in the water, his belly cool on your skin while you feel his warmth enter you with a satisfying pop.”

Length: 10 inches



Orca Dildo


Finally, the granddaddy of them all. Exotic-Erotics prove themselves wordsmiths with copy like “You’ll be swimming in a sea of lust from the moment this boy slides out of the box (or into yours, as it were).” How large is the Orca Large? Well, they distinguish between actual length and usable length, which still comes in at 16 inches. That’s a full 2.5 inches longer than the largest human penis, mind you.

Length: 16 inches



Courtney Hamilton

An avid writer, reader, feminist and french fry fanatic.

  • JFurvert

    The top images are products from my company TSX toys(The trojan horse and moby dick dildo), and the rest are from other companies. If you intend on using my companies adult toys as your cover image, would you mind at least linking back to us? thanks

    • fenikkusu

      Agreed… all vendors of the various toys should be clearly mentioned … and i’m not seeing any… because you wrote this I’m searching for TSX toys right now! Glad you posted the comment! Thanks for that! Lack of identifying manufacturers properly gets you a D- in my book Courtney. ALWAYS CITE YOUR SOURCES! And who knows… if you had?… you may have gotten a free sample or two to try. sincerely~ a writer!

      • JFurvert

        thanks for the support 🙂

        • fenikkusu

          TSX Toys is a really cool site with tons of options. There is most certainly something for everyone there and its not limited to either the bizarre nor bizarrely huge products. Plenty of options that fit into the more “normal” categories and everything in between. Lots of useful products! I highly recommend a visit and a browse! Beautiful Job JFurvert! So glad you spoke up! I will spend more time there tomorrow and see if anything piques my interest! I want to further mention that the ONLY reason that I clicked on this article was FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE of seeing what’s new in “toy” land. Usually articles mention the manufacturers of said toys and then I, and I’m sure many others as well, use that info as a springboard to surf for whats hot and new in toys. This is the first and only article I have run into that doesn’t make mention of the manufacturers… I’m very happy to say its the first and only!
          You owe apologies and a re-write to these people, Ms. Hamilton!
          They are in business and working hard and I know this because I am also self-employed. Pay respect where respect is due! it is not an easy thing to create a viable business and keep it going with massive taxation and incredible competition!
          TSX Toys is worth a visit and browse by any standards! And you’re welcome J! ;^)