Over the weekend, social media went into a tizzy over a flavored condom. The widely-circulated (photoshopped) image of a pumpkin spice flavored Durex condom has since been proven a hoax. The internet is crestfallen to discover that they won’t be able to add pumpkin spiced dick to their list of pumpkin things to consume during the Fall.
But fret not, internet, because even if pumpkin spice condoms aren’t a thing, condoms already come in a bevy of bizarre and unique flavors. We’ve compiled a list to satisfy your hankering for novelty condoms, so don’t go pouring Starbucks PSLs down your pants just yet.
Produced by San Francisco-based garlic resto “The Stinking Rose,” this condom is the ultimate disguise for garlic breath. Was it the steak dinner or the blowjob? He’ll never know.
The ultimate whisky dick. You can get these at Scottish online gift shop “Heritage of Scotland,” because apparently Scotch whisky condoms embody what it is to be Scottish.
Banana Split Condom
An American classic. Almost as if your dick took a trip to Ben and Jerry’s.
Bubble Gum Condom
Another gem. Did you know a portion of every condom purchase supports HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment efforts in Africa? Suck (or chew?) on that.
Mint Chocolate Condom
We’ve already written about how mint condoms turn your partner’s dick into a facsimile toothbrush. Chocolate could only improve the situation
Yes, DURIAN. The Southeast Asian fruit is often described as smelling of raw sewage, but luckily, it’s known to taste like heaven. Trust.
While actual lychee boasts a delicate, sweet flavor, we imagine lychee-lubed condoms to taste like a mediocre boba drink. Sadly, still better than pumpkin spice.
Looking for morning sex? Don one of these. Who doesn’t love the smell of fresh coffee in the morning?
Continuing with the breakfast theme, these condoms purport to taste of bacon and make your dick look like bacon. Unfortunately, they’re “out of stock,” but luckily, there’s a waiting list!
Vegan Cola Condoms
We know, vegan is not a flavor, but these Fair Trade, certified ethical and vegan condoms do come in unique flavors like cola and wildberry!
Honorable mention: Marmite Condom
As with the pumpkin spice condoms, these are currently relegated to the land of imaginary photoshopped things. Your move, Durex.