What Being a Burger on Tinder Taught Me About Men

It should come as no surprise that a Tinder Perfect 10 is a double patty with bacon. In less than three days, over 1,000 men in the Orange County area right-swiped on my Tinder profile featuring a burger named “Patty” before the profile was shut down. Meet Patty, the juicy burger I created that had men sexting up a storm.

burger-tinder

funny tinders messages

The inspiration for my Tinder alterego came after having putting up with a constant stream of uninvited proposals on my personal account. I started to think — does it actually matter if I’m a hot 20-something girl, or will guys sext with anything? Turns out, they will. After filtering through hundreds of messages, I picked out 25 of my personal faves. It’s up to you to decide who is trolling, who has the munchies, and who is looking for love in all the wrong right places.

_____

The Opportunist

tinder-game

That’s right, people. I got numbers. As a burger.

_____

The Stage 5 Clinger

special-sauce

_____

The Connoisseur

funny-tinder-photos

Aw, you fancy huh?

_____

The Ketchup Guy

_____

The Soulmate

burger-jokes

Too good to be true.

_____

The Guy Who Missed the Point

food-tinder

Try Google Images.

_____

The Thirsty Guy

burger-tinder-profile

I hate to say this Rami, but you might want to expand your horizons given the kind of game you got…

_____

The Scientist

tinder-burger

Oh Matthew, do me like your homework.

_____

“Dark Meat”

dark-meat

_____

The Vegetarian

vegetarian-tinder

After this, he proceeded to try to talk to me about my feelings.

_____

The Poet

funny-tinder-matches

“Wet lettuce.” Also, I just threw up a little bit

_____

The Cheater

tinder-matches

We’re done.

_____

The Keeper

hilarious-tinder-profiles

Matty, I swiped the seven seas for you.

 _____

The Nice Guy

funny-matches-tinder

Yeah, you surpassed the previous low, which was right-swiping on a burger.

_____

The Quiet One

the-quiet-one

_____

The Biter

funny-tinder-profiles

Okay Hannibal, slow down.

 _____

The Funny Guy

mcdonalds-my-way

Or should I say, the punny guy.

_____

The One Who’s Been Around

wendys-burger

Man, what is it with dudes and redheads?

_____

That 90s Baby

age-sex-location

_____

The One Who Can’t Spell

spelling-fail

_____

The Role Player

tinder-role-play

_____

The Artist

tinder-art

Picasso would be proud.

_____

The One That Blows Up Your Phone

stage-five-clinger

_____

The Kinky One

funny-tinders

#DoggyStyle

_____

The Existentialist

tinder-humor.jpg

Well, that kind of put a damper on things.

_____

Hope you enjoyed my burger sextcapades. See you on the flip-side… of the grill. Or on Tinder. Next up, Pinky the Taco. #SwipeRight



Cristiana Wilcoxon

A writer and photographer based in Orange County. My patronus is a burger.

  • Dude needs to clear his notifications.