When you enter a new relationship, the unspoken rule is to avoid any mention of past lovers. Doing so can be seen as entering forbidden territory or even worse, a form of disrespect to your new partner. However, while we can all agree that the first date is not the time to rant about the psychopathic ex who strangled your pet rabbit and slept with your sister, there are legitimate reasons to bring up the
dreaded past and to discuss old relationships openly.
1. Be Transparent about exes, past hookups and, yes, flings
Being transparent about who you dated, hooked up with, etc. at the beginning of your relationship will diminish any possibility of suspicion. While it seems like a minor thing you can brush off and avoid, treating conversations about past flings as something that will unnecessarily cause tension will only hurt you in the long run.
This is especially important if you’re still friends with your ex/fling/whathaveyou and/or have a lot of mutual friends with your current partner. Take it from us, you don’t want to be in that awkward situation when your girl/boyfriend finds out that you and your “friend” used to hookup in the dorm room back in college. That shit ain’t cute and could even cost a relationship’s trust.
The solution? A simple heads up, such as “X and I used to see each other a few years ago but when we realized it wasn’t going to work we called it quits,” will do. Yes, you may encounter some drama if you do, but it’s worth the possible shitstorm that can happen if you don’t.
2. Emotional Baggage
If you partner doesn’t have an adequate understanding of your dating history, it’ll be difficult for them to understand why marriage discussions send you running out the door or why you can’t listen to any of Drake’s songs without crying.
First, you’ve got to be honest with yourself about how past relationship experiences shaped who you are today and all of your idiosyncrasies. Then, when you’re ready, begin to talk about any relationship frustrations you may be harboring. Remember, your partner should not only support you, but help you through any past emotional trauma in order to move forward in a healthy and positive way.
Being with someone requires understanding them. At some point, you really do need to bring up your bunny murdering ex whose calls you let go straight to voicemail.
Past relationships shouldn’t be excluded because of some perceived awkwardness — after all, the awkward conversations are usually the ones we need to have.
3. Do’s & Don’ts
Did your ex do something really awful that ground at your soul every time you were together? Was your ex a sloppy kisser? Did he/she use a terrifying baby voice in bed that made you weep after every unsatisfactory love-making attempt? These are things that you need to tell your new partner (and that your partner should tell you, too.)
Maybe you had a really great past relationship (or an exceedingly terrible relationship filled with passionate angry hate-fucking) and there’s something that you realized you loved that would be helpful for your new lover to know. Just try not to make it sound like you are still in love with said ex when you have this conversation. Unless you are. If so, that’s your bad, honey.
3 Great Reasons to Talk About Exes in Current Relationship.