A few months ago Taco Bell unveiled a new crunchy taco that features a crunchy shell made of nacho-flavored Doritos, and I immediately got about half-mast. Having had a torrid love affair with Doritos for years, it sounded glorious, like one of those “Fuck yes! Why doesn’t this ALREADY exist?” situations. Despite how delicious the thought of a taco shell constructed entirely of Doritos sounded, the idea also seemed like a giant hassle. We’ve all heard the joke about the guy who goes to his doctor because his penis is turning orange. When the doctor asks if he’s been doing anything out of the ordinary, the patient replies “Nope, just the usual: sitting around, watching porn, and eating Doritos.”
So yeah, it was going to be messy and turn (at the very least) my fingers orange. I felt like afterwards I might need to be scrubbed down in one of those post-nuclear accident triage showers. Yet I also suspected it would probably be worth it, and so this week I finally experienced the awkwardly-named Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco. I went the Supreme route, and had them add sour cream and tomatoes and delusions of grandeur. It was, in a word, triumphant.
As you can see, it actually looked pretty damn good. The normal Taco Bell taco is regularly a sad affair, but this Doritos version, with all of the Supreme fix-ins, was like a tarted-up, better-smelling taco. Digging in, I noticed that the shell was salty, with a good amount of cheesy Doritos dust inside it. The shell is also thinner, fresher, and more fragile than the standard issue, with each bite shattering a large section like glass, exposing the tender taco guts inside. The flavor of the taco shell is demure compared to the full cheesiness of actual Doritos, but it may just be the result of a limited, careful application of spices.
Honestly, what makes this taco worth it is the cheddarlishious burps you’ll experience throughout the rest of your day. The tacos may not be mind-blowing on the front end, but it’s a gastrointestinal investment, of sorts. If you’re patient and disciplined, you’ll eventually reap the awards. Like a mutual fund. An orange-dusted mutual fund.
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Photography by Eunice Lee